fiction / humor / Uncategorized

The Canna Case

Where in the world did all those red Cannas go?” asked Aunt Agnes looking out her window.

“The ones in the circle flower bed out front?”

“Yes, the ones in front of our building, Jillie!”

“My goodness, they aren’t there? I haven’t a clue!” I said as I looked out the window with her.

I hope those landscapers didn’t take them out; red is my favorite color. I like a nice red dress and some red lipstick to go with it,” she smiled at me.

There was a knock at the door. “Coming!” Aunt Agnes called out as she shuffled down the hall. “Well, hello Dorine. Come in.”

“You girls look spiffy today, I’ll bet you all are going Saturday shopping!” said Dorine.

“We might get out for awhile. It’s Jillie’s turn to buy lunch,” she looked at me slyly. Seems like it was usually my turn.

“Ya’ll coming to Bingo tonight too?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Aunt Agnes replied.

“You know, your boyfriend won’t be there,” Dorine said with a bit of a smirk.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, Antonio Banderas is taken.” Aunt Agnes retorted. “Who in the world are you talking about?”

“That Perkins Guy, the used car salesman.”

“Oh Good Lord, he’s not my boyfriend!”

“Well, you always sit with him.”

“He sits at the other table, are you blind?”

“Nope, I’ve got new glasses, but that’s still beside you. Don’t you want to know what happened to him?”

I was listening with one ear and glancing through the weekend newspaper with the remainder of my attention span.

“He took off with some woman. I think he was running a gambling ring and maybe an illegal house of sorts, if you know what I mean!”

“No, really? Who was it he took off with, do we know her?” Aunt Agnes was beside herself.

“Haven’t a clue. I’ll bet it was some floozy. Probably had red hair. Or blonde. He was always talking to blondes and redheads,” said Dorine.

“You know, I wondered how he got all that money. He had a Cadillac.”

“Well, now we know. Did his Cadillac have those horns on the front of it?” asked Dorine.

“I don’t know what his Cadillac had on it. I never got in it! That’s neither here nor there; do you know what they did with the Cannas?” Aunt Agnes asked her.

“What Cannas?”

“The ones in the front of the building.”

“They aren’t there?”

“Nope, not since yesterday.”

“Oh dear. Nora in 5C. She loves red flowers! I just hope….”

“Hmmm, surely not. I think she likes pansies too,” mused Aunt Agnes.

“Matter of fact, I should stop by and check on her. I guess I’ll be going now. You girls have fun, and don’t spend all your money!” Dorine’s mischievous eyes danced all down the hall to the door.

“Anything any good in that paper?” asked Aunt Agnes.

“I’m looking for dining coupons.”  Aunt Agnes loved the Corner Cafe.  “Oh, look they have a spotlight on the pros of living here in this town. I remember reading, and it’s been awhile, that back in 1987, Whispering Falls was listed as the Most Average City in the U.S.”

“Yeah, that’s probably right,” said Aunt Agnes. She was staring at Mr. Martin walking out where the Cannas used to be. “Average food, average folks, below average doctors, though.” Aunt Agnes was currently in dispute with her heart doctor who had put salt on the Forbidden List of Foods because she liked bacon, and bacon was, well salty amount other things.

“Are you pouting, Aunt Agnes? What are you looking at?”

“Mr. Martin is out and about. He really needs to take it easy.”

“Ya think? What was it he had?”

“A lung transplant, a double lung transplant, actually.”

“Wow, I didn’t even know they could do that!”

“See, now I don’t have to stop smoking,” said Aunt Agnes, brightening up at the prospect.

“Yeah, what did the heart doctor say about that?

“Oh, I told her I quit years ago!” said Aunt Agnes with a chuckle.

“Aunt Agnes! Unreal, just unreal!” An article on lifestyles caught my attention. It might be good to live on the Texas coast,” I said out loud. “Have you ever been to Corpus?”

“No. That’s where that two-bit Electric Guy went, the one who was running for Mayor that got into trouble for drugs,” she said.

“I thought he went to jail?”

“He did for awhile for hiring someone to take a drug test for him….”
“Well, Corpus is a big town. He would probably never surface.”

Aunt Agnes liked it fine here. She liked sitting in the big sun room and watching the residents. The only thing she worried about was what they were putting in the water in this town. What we had left of water, anyway since the drought. I could almost read her mind.

“I think the Cannas died because the water is bad,” I snickered to myself. Her eyes widened.

“We better get some bottled water then, Jillie. Put that on your shopping list!”

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36 thoughts on “The Canna Case

    • I don’t have any emoticons either, but they do come in handy, ha ha. Average people are the best, just getting through this life one day at a time, treasuring those small joys they uncover. Thanks, Sha’Tara!

  1. “I don´t have a boyfriend, Antonio Banderas is taken.” – Just brilliant! And unfortunately so true 😉 Do you remember how he looked in “Interview with a vampire”? Aww – what a man… 😀 I would never have thought that he and Melanie Griffiths would split up though, they were longer together than any other Hollywood couple I know of. And now he´s with someone even younger than me – I´m still in shock! 😉
    I like your Aunt Agnes so much and would love to meet her for real, she´s such a wonderful character and I bet writing about her is just as funny as reading about her 🙂
    Have a beautiful Sunday, Lana! Much love! 🙂

    • I have to admit, I was surprised at the split also. They were together quite a while. I do remember Interview with a Vampire! He was marvelous for sure, although I have to say, Tom took the prize in that one, as he often does, ha ha! Yeah, what is this thing about old men and young women that seems to transcend time? Aunt Agnes is quite a character. I sometimes find it difficult to imagine stories for her, I must continue to look for inspiration. I do have fun writing about her. I hope you have a beautiful Sunday and a beautiful week ahead. Much love to you, Sarah!

      • Ah, Tom Cruise – he was quite the devil 😉
        At least some women seem to finally take this domain over – like Brigitte Macron and Demi Moore 😉 (I´m sure they are not usually put in the same sentence! Ha!)
        I can only hope and pray that you will create more stories about Aunt Agnes – I have grown very fond of her! 🙂 How about letting her “enjoy” a day off and play some mini-golf? I would love to see what she does when not winning – or does to make sure she´s winning! 😀 Or harassing a young ice-cream vendor who has uncannily resembles a certain Spanish actor? 😉 😀
        Wish you a beautiful week ahead too, Lana! Much love! 🙂 ❤

  2. Aunt Agnes has a keen eye on everyone, doesn’t she? Nothing escapes her notice. Well, except where the red cannas went. I love how Dorine insists that Agnes sat “next to” the guy at BINGO, even though they were back to back at different tables. Too funny. Now if she could just have Antonio Banderas, a decent heart doctor, some bacon, and a cigarette, life would be damn near perfect. Great piece, Lana! 🙂

  3. “Whispering Falls was listed as the Most Average City in the U.S.’ Ha ha. I love that. This is great, Lana. I could be a fly on the wall of this place and thoroughly enjoy myself. You capture the charming busy-body personalities perfectly. 🙂

  4. What about writing that Antonio Banderas is taking me on a holiday?? What would aunt Agnes think about it? Most probably looking for her red cannas will keep her busy instead. I may not be Melanie Griffith, but am sure Antonio Banderas is on his way to me – hahaha LOL. Yess that red Cannas, you should have been to mum’s garden many years ago. Poor Aunt Agnes, I will send her some bacon and that will relax her brain over the Red Cannas hehe hi hi! Lana it was a great story so far, I really enjoyed this one, I love it so very much! Now take care and I hope your week is going too well!

    • Thank you so much, Juli. People tend to like my Aunt Agnes character. She has a lot of spunk. Antonio is just divine, isn’t he? A lot of people liked him too, lol. I think we need a story where you go on holiday with Antonio. I know there are such fabulous gardens in England. My son-in-law’s family is from England and his mother has just gone back to live there. She is always posting beautiful flowers for me to see. I hope you are enjoying lovely flowers, and I also hope your week is going great. Take good care, my friend!

      • Thank you Lana. but your story really made me laughs, and all the comments were full of funny vibes, it is like everyone were enjoying themselves at yours, since aunt Agnes couldn’t take bacon home hahahahah, such a laugh, I really had a great laugh. Well Antonio Banderas may be still on the way. should he arrives anytime, will trace that story, don’t worry hahahaha! I hope Aunt Agnes have solved the puzzles of her red cannas, bless her! lol

      • I haven’t told Aunt Agnes yet, but there is such a thing as Turkey Bacon, lol! I have no idea what she will say about that. Antonio could always be on the way, we must keep up the hope!

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