fiction / humor / Uncategorized

Wrestling the Blue

So I found myself walking atop Big Blue trying to talk a vampire down from the ledge. Of course, I knew him, after all, we go way back. Not as far back as we could go, as I’m obviously not a vampire, mind you. He wasn’t even old in vampire years yet, but old enough not to be atop a blue skyscraper acting like a fool. Below us, the town stilled in the night. Big Blue, as it is fondly called, was home to the World Wrestling Federation. No muscles around when you needed them and the club crowds already gone, stumbling out in drunken enchantment, entranced with their evening escapades.

“I can’t go on,” he said.

“You’ve only gone for 50 years now, you have to at least make 500,” I replied with a smirk.

“There’s no help, no help…”

“Social Services, let’s try them again.”

“I hate living in that damn dorm,” he moaned.

“It’s the Mission, Steven. A temporary place for uh, people, down on their luck. Oh, but I know, it is too far from the food bank, I mean, the blood bank.”

“I don’t care for either the food or the blood bank. The girls there are fat.”

“Seriously, why am I here Steven? Why do you have to always call me?”

“Because Marla, you will come. And you loved me once. I need someone to talk to. I always liked talking to you. You…”

“First of all that was high school, a loooooong time ago.  I’m not going to be your long lost love, that’s just creepy.  Secondly, you are immortal. When you jump, you are only going to turn into a damn bat and fly away! I’m up here risking my life to talk you out of one of your “moods.”

“Well, you might be risking your life in those shoes, step away from the edge. Why do reporters stay up all night anyway?

“So we can hunt vampires. Look at me Steven, do I look like I want to be up all night?”

I sighed and looked around the roof. What was I going to do with him? He had not taken his transformation to vampire-hood very well ever since the accident, but you know, when life gives you lemons, you make Bloody Marys.

“One more time, how did you spend all your money, Steven?”

“Just being me,” he replied a bit sheepishly.

“But your mother left you a mansion. How does one just swish through mansion money?”

“Cars, suits, dates, veneers, coffins….”

I turned to see him hanging upside down off the air conditioning apparatus. “Stop playing games with me, my time is valuable. I write articles to get paid. I don’t have a mansion to sell,” I snapped.

“Plus you shop at Ross,” he smiled.

“Hmph! At least I don’t have to step over drunks every day to make it to my cubicle at the Mission.”

“Well, you should be drunk wearing that blouse. Taste is everything, maybe take your store selection up at least a notch.”

“Steven!” I said irritably. “Let’s get a plan together and get out of here.” It seemed like we had been arguing atop of the WWF for hours now. I could picture night fading into the morning, Steven morphing into flames as the sun came up just the theater office people filed into work staring into the sky and wondering why I was up here lighting firecrackers in heels.

“I would really like to be out of here before the theater staff starts coming to work,” I said aloud.

“Hey, you know they are going to be doing the Wizard of Oz?”

“Really?” I rolled my eyes.

“You talk about tough, just wait until they try to get all those flying monkeys inside there, ha ha.  And the soldiers, they’ve got to style them correctly. You know, they should look like Nikki Sixx. That’s it, Motley Crue soldiers!”

“Ok, so you go from extreme depression to producing the Wizard of Oz. I don’t really care, maybe you should ask them if you could. Maybe they would pay you!”

“Hmm, we might be on to something.”

“Maybe you could talk them into a Van Helsing play, why not? You’re creative, you’re gregarious. You can fly for cheap, ha ha,” I laughed.

It seemed to be working. The melancholy seemed to be peeling from Steven’s pale skin. I thought I could see the glimmer coming back into his eyes. I was doing a pretty good job here in the sky as the Curator of Sadness.

“I’ve never really thought about employment before. It sounds like it might be fun. You know some of those girls they had for Cats were pretty hot without their whiskers on, I mean….”

“That’s right, Steven.” I said as I bent to take off my shoes. I decided to descend those stairs without them, less risky. It had been a long day especially this encounter with testosterone and teeth.

“Let’s go, I’m done hanging out with you,” I observed him still upside down on the air conditioning.

“You know, I bet I could give those wrestling guys quite a fright!” he laughed.

“I wouldn’t. Their manager was the former Talia Tygress, you know?”

“Really? Ah, no, I didn’t know. And what does she look like?”

“Bye Steven. Call me, or actually, don’t. Take your potions. Talk to the theater people. Go to the Blood Bank. Don’t kill anyone.” I called over my shoulder as I walked to the stairs. The sticky humidity draped me like an oily cloth. I would need some extra caffeine for tomorrow. Maybe some better deodorant. Tasks spread out before me like unfinished novels. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway. Deadlines, disasters, the society beat, wayward vampires….

“Say Blondie,” he calls after me. “I really like what you are doing with your hair these days…”


46 thoughts on “Wrestling the Blue

  1. Oh, L.T., this is good! Really bold and unexpected! And “Tasks spread out before me like unfinished novels.” So many zingers I would give you an A+! Thanks for the song too…have not heard it in a blue moon! (I like Ross too!)

    • I was thinking it might be fun like that, protagonists in that age group. Maybe Pierce Brosnan, wink, wink. I don’t know if I could maintain the storyline, but I guess I could think about it. It would be a great series for our age group if someone could come up with something spicy and fun. Thanks, Pauline!

  2. I love how you just come up with a premise and run with it. You have a way with dialog, the gift of the gab, you might say. Enjoyable, ended too soon. 🙂

    • Thank you, Joan. We actually have a “skyscraper” here called Big Blue. It is not far from, well you guessed, the theater, ha ha. This one popped in my head, and I thought how fun it would be to have a spicy, romantic series with 50/60-somethings. I don’t know that I”m the one to write it, but I think it would be a neat thing. 😀

  3. oh well, haha, I had a great read. And trust me, I was in my tv room watching that movie unfold while I read through, it was fantastic, but the movie needs to go on, I need to see part 2 of the move please. Is it going to come?

    • Oh Juli, thank you so much! Right now that’s all I’ve got, but it proved to be a popular piece as people seemed to like these 2 characters. I’ll have to see what I can do. I hope you have a lovely and enjoyable weekend!

  4. Oh, wow! This is just brilliant, Lana! I´m so in love with this story and the characters! You should definitely see if you can turn it into a novel – I would instantly buy! 😀 That first sentence is just soooo good – and all the rest of them of course too 😉 I like how you try the depression angle on an immortal being 🙂 And Marla is so right, it should at least be 500 😉 (btw – wasn´t there a “Marla” in Buffy? Oh, no, that was Darla! haha)
    I could have read this lovely bantering for hours! You might not have written chick lit before, but it definitely doesn’t show! 🙂
    Thank you so much for making these Monday morning such a lovely one! Much love! xxxxx

    • Thank you so much, Sarah. I guess nobody can tell with all my dark poetry that I started out as a humor writer, lol. I kinda like the idea of a broke, playboy vampire with a depression problem, lol. We actually have a tall building here that is called “Big Blue.” This just popped into my head. I am going to try to see if I can flesh it out, but as you probably know with the creative process, it will be difficult to keep that pace up for a whole book. Guess we shall see what happens, this may curtail by poetry for awhile, ha ha. Much love back to you 😀

      • I love the idea of such a vampire! 😀 Makes him somehow more human 😉 And Pierce Brosnan would definitely a very good choice to play him 😀
        The good thing is, your story will be patient with you and wait for you to have time and come back to it whenever you feel like it. 🙂 I imagine it can be very refreshing to write something entirely different from your usual writing style from time to time, like a little trip to the Spa for your brain 😉 And now you know that there´re quite a lot of people who would love to see it becoming a novel someday 😀
        Have a very lovely day, Lana! Much love! 🙂

      • I was laughing about Steven. I think the human qualities of the depression, the irresponsible (spending and skirt chasing, money woes, insecurity) do give human qualities to an immortal that we might not have explored before. He just popped into my head and hung around, ha ha. I do hope to get back to it. It is a bit weird that I write children’s books mainly as that is also what pops into my head. It is fun to branch out and attempt something different, maybe it is exercise for different parts of the brain. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Sarah. I hope you have a terrific end of the week and weekend. Much love! 😀

      • I think that´s the best bit about writing humor – the writer knows it´s good when she has to laugh herself 😀
        And I love when characters just pop up into your head, makes one feel blessed by the muses 😀
        I do believe it´s important to give your different brain parts exercise, to get out of one´s comfort zone (may it be writing or doing anything else), and create something you´ve never thought of creating. I look forward to see more of your brain gymnastics in the future, Lana! 😉
        Have a fabulous weekend! Much love! 🙂

      • I think that is why they have students read all different types of literature in school. Did you ever read Ida by Gertrude Stein? I surely didn’t like it then, don’t know if I would now since I haven’t picked it up since, ha ha. I hope you have a marvelous weekend too, Sarah!

  5. This is so clever! And Ross got burned but I won’t tell them 😉 I guess mansion money could go fast as there’s many needs for vampires… if they live another 500 years or so 😉 Great dialogue!

    • Thank you so much, Christy! That snooty, playboy vampire trashing Ross of all things. I may have to change it because I really do like Ross, lol. Yes, sadly he ran through that mansion money with his taste for Italian suits. He really must stop and consider those 450 years remaining 😀

  6. Lana, this is great – a terrific and novel take on vampires!! Reluctant vampire Steven is brilliant, I like his sense of being put out, having to be cheered up. The dialogue crackles and sparkles with life (!) – so much is learnt about the two through the conversation. Her clothes sense had me smiling…is the blouse that bad?! I real rapport building up here between the two of them…

    • Thanks, Annika! Well I guess slightly snobby Stephen thinks Marla could use a fashion boost by shopping in a higher end store, but of course, this advice comes from one who has already blown his mansion money, ha ha.

  7. I thought i was going to find poetry when i came here. But the first line hooked me right in. It was a great read! Liked the motley crue reference. I chuckled with that. That’s one of my favorite bands in the late 80’s.

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