Aunt Agnes was stone silent for a change as she stared at the accent green wall in her small room. “Green is one of those calming colors,” I tell her.
“Hmph!” she replied.
She had twisted her knee and had the unfortunate luck of minor surgery and six weeks at the rehabilitation center. This was Rehab Day One, and already she had slayed three staff members. I was here to run intervention, attempting to get Aunt Agnes to tap into her softer side in an effort to cooperate with her captors.
“Do you know they send some man in here when I eat? He asks me stupid questions. That hasn’t a darn thing to do with my knee!”
“Like what sort of questions, Aunt Agnes?”
“Can I name five animals? Where do I live? Where am I at? I told him I was here for therapy, and I’m ditching my apartment to move into Trump Tower!”
“Oh, Aunt Agnes,” I said shaking my head. “What else did you tell him?”
“Poppycocks, I mean roosters, dingbats, bulls, bullfinches, bullfrogs, BULL!”
“My sleep is all messed up. I’m awake all night and sleep all day.”
“Are you turning into a vampire, perhaps?”
“Well, I may!”
“Let me open these blinds to see if you sparkle….”
“This place….the woman across the hall says she has to lock her door. She said someone stole her teeth!”
“Maybe they were confused….”
“Well, at least my teeth are firmly attached to my mouth!”
“Oh Aunt Agnes, it’s ok. You only have to be here for two weeks. Can’t you ease up on the staff a bit?”
She sniffled. “Well, I do like that Vincent fellow. He brings me Biofreeze for my stiff legs. I like the hairstylist too. You know some crazy bar floozy tried to run over her best friend outside the Lonely Hearts Saloon?”
“Probably. I mean anything with the word ‘saloon’ in the name would seem to invite trouble. Just think, Aunt Agnes, you will be done with therapy in time to catch Dr. Phil and Judge Judy every day.”
The prospect of this brightened her spirits up considerably. She looked at me and smiled,
“Can you name five soap stars?” she asked coyly.
**Sparkling vampires – in case you don’t know where that came from, you may have missed Stephanie Meyer’s amazing Twilight series…but that’s okay. Now you know. Smile!