Halloween / humor / Poetry

My Friend The Count

My friend The Count has

asked for my advice

He wants a makeover

to improve his social life

We could begin with his wardrobe

those musty, old clothes

Needless to say

what’s he doing wearing hose?

Then there’s his hair

black with a weird part

and him lingering late night

at the Mini Mart

His teeth are atrocious

really a bad sight

they give girls the willies

and a terrible fright

It’s weird on a date

that he might turn into

a bat or a wolf

and vanish in the blue

He’s terribly overdrawn

at the blood bank

he has a strange assistant

whose name is Hank

He can only go out at night

in the dark

so no romantic lunches

snacking in the park

He has combed dating sites

but has found them quite lame

He was scanning the computer

for his old flame

but she died in 1791, and

he really couldn’t cope

and on NightPeople.com

he has found no hope

The Count won’t tolerate mirrors,

so he never knows

if there’s spinach stuck in his fangs

before he goes

Sun days are the worst,

The Count, he must dread

sneaks away unaccounted for

then folks end up dead

The Count needs a tan

as he is much too pasty

and stop telling these chicks

they look “mighty tasty”

It’s hard to help a friend

who sometimes turns green

vanishes into the air,

hangs upside down on window screens


Well this will probably be my last Halloween holiday related post.  I know, I know, I can just hear the wails of despair. Tomorrow is Halloween, and it is highly unlikely that I will get another holiday post uploaded, so I will just have to pack away the illustrious Mrs. McLoon and my assorted monster friends until next season.  I’m not sure how Halloween will turn out here because the rain came in today, and I literally thought I was going to have to catch a boat to get home from work.  The Rock Guy will be home soon, and he apparently thinks we are going to a football game.  I may have to veto that.  If the Supreme Being wanted me to sit out in the cold, pouring rain, he would have given me insulated covering and flippers.  That’s the way I see it.  I hope all my WordPress friends have a safe and wonderful Halloween (those who celebrate it, which is mostly us Americans, and to my other dear friends across the big pond, have a super and safe weekend!)


7 thoughts on “My Friend The Count

  1. Wow, and I always thought vampires were kind of sexy…except for, you know, that count from Sesame Street. We went out on a date and he kept counting every time we kissed. Most unappealing!

  2. I liked unique details of your friend, the Count. Spinach stuck between his fangs and hanging upside down on window screens helps amuse the reader and help us see his dating dilemma, Lana.

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