Around the year, 15 Hundred and a Long Time Ago, a boat full of English folks arrived to settle this fair country, although it had been settled and inhabited by Native Americans for thousands of years or so already. The English, under the capable reins of Queen Elizabeth,
also known as Cate Blanchett, had to do something to make their mark or risk being completely outdone by those resourceful Spanish who were also out and about on the high seas. So Queen Liz took up with Sir Walter Raleigh, a guy who wore ruffles and stockings. She was originally best friends with his half brother, Sir Humphrey Gilbert who accidentally drowned while doing all that discovering on ocean-going vessels. The English also needed money so they planned to begin “privateering” or pirating as it really was, against treasure fleets of Spain.
In a nutshell, a fleet of English people pulled up to Roanoke Island, and Sir Grenville basically said, “Get thee off the boat here and commenceth to settling,” or as the Rolling Stones said, “Hey you, Get off my Cloud!” So 115 folks said in unison, “Ok, great, this looks good!” They jumped off the boat to build a fort. Sir Grenville decided that Roanoke was not a hip and happening place, so he said, “Check you guys later…or I’ll be Baaack!” Or maybe that was just Arnold. What happens next is anybody’s guess, but a few years later when the English returned to “help” the colony it was gone. Zilch, Zero, Vanished. Today, experts ponder the reason for the disappearance:
- Indians – the unfriendly type, I think we know what happened here…
- The colonists may have written an early edition of a Styx song, “Come sail away, come sail away.” or maybe it was more like, “Dude, I think England is that way…”
- The pesky Spaniards showed up, doing their own privateering and did away with all the settlers.
- More Indians – the friendly type who arrived with plucked fowls while singing, “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”
Myths abound. Today college professors want to lecture, like the guy who came here, but he only wanted to lecture for 45 minutes, because he had been up since 3:30 AM just trying to get here. They also like to dig at the sites, and to attempt to achieve the pinnacle of recognition. In the end, they like to talk about the Lost Colony like it is a big mystery, which maybe it is, or isn’t…depending on how you look at it.