humor / Lifestyle / non-categorized

A Nomad at the Dentist Office

Recently I have been feeling rather nomadic, so I’m thinking I might like to be a nomad. Why is that you might ask? Well because it just sounds romantic, wandering around the countryside in the United States like a gypsy without any responsibilities. I have reached an age where I would really like the not being responsible part. The kind of non-responsibility without a boss. Wouldn’t life be grand to just load up the cats in a Winnebago and go? Or maybe just have a Winnebago to go if you wanted to? Find a place to alight and just stay there, and when you are tired of it, that’s right…pack up the Winnebago once more. Routine – Smoutine, I say. But what to do about all those pesky little timeline things; for example, going to the dentist? Today, I had the wonderful opportunity to go for a deep cleaning experience. I discovered that deep cleaning isn’t just something that is reserved for carpets; rather this process involves going in and sitting in the reclining chair while twitching nervously. Apparently also after years of meticulously flossing, brushing, investing in Lifestyles of Rich and Famous Dentists, then flossing some more, I now have gum issues that I thought I was avoiding by all that brushing, flossing, and investing. But I digress. The procedure began with the application of a topical medication that tasted great, sort of like melted sheet metal. I declined to watch a movie on the TV monitor on the ceiling, opting instead to examine the silent weather channel broadcasting rain clouds while the Muzak played “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. “ I was also wearing some styling plastic sunglasses which Ginger, the lovely assistant placed on my eyes before she broke out a rotary-type, high velocity tool with a blade attached that I purposely did not examine. This was something like a miniature lawn edger that went to work in what seem to be approximately three miles below my gum line. Painful? Yes, in a weird high-velocity way. The opposite side was balancing the air suction mechanism and in between all this, was the extraordinary sensation of gravel splattering all over my face. The good news is that I finished early, the bad news is that apparently I have to go to the dentist more than I used to. I guess it takes more for dentists to meet their needs in these high times of inflation and keeping up with the Khardashians. But now I ask, how can I live my nomadic existence if I have to be bothered by real world issues that include doctor and dental appointments? Do free spirits keep appointments? Is there no escape? Big sigh!


5 thoughts on “A Nomad at the Dentist Office

  1. I sometimes feel that many dentists are the nomads and that the patient is similar to the passenger sitting nervously at the bus depot waiting for his/her departure call to be announced over the public address system. Although we all try to maintain impeccable dental hygiene routines the dentist, like prospectors for gold in the Yukon, always manage to drudge up that one tragic flaw that will force us to sit that much longer in the dental chair squirming, sweating, and nervously awaiting the all-knowing dentist’s final proclamation.

    A more-than-friendly dental associate is more than willing to break the ice, lead you to the examination room, ask if we are comfortable, provide the special sunglasses that will protect our eyes from air borne dental goop and of course hand us the remote control to choose a television channel we’d prefer to watch while we wait. The placement of that protective dental bib is the forerunner to a barrage of X-ray photos of potential areas of concern for our attending dentist.The command to “open wide” and sit still is an offence to logic especially if the associate using the machine is inexperienced and unable to appreciate the fact that the patient if gagging on the over sized plastic insert that has been placed meticulously inside our mouths. They don’t seem to get the fact that not all mouths are created equal.

    The dentists that I have suffered through must have been nomadic or else their medical licences had been suspended or revoked. In one calendar year I have experienced the medical expertise of four dentists all practicing their craft at a well-know family dental center. One dentists experienced health issues; another suffered through a debilitating divorce that forced him to take some much needed time off; the third relocated to parts unknown after being associated with the clinic for 15 years; the last one retired and I was informed that his presence would be missed by the dental team. So sad.

    This year I had the pleasure of sitting in the dental chair of a dentist who for 15 minutes sat transfixed staring at the computerized image of a set of my recent X-rays and slowly outlining for me that action plan her recommended that I follow to ensure a brighter, whiter future not only for my teeth but also for my future. Should I mention that as he sat there rambling on I was sitting in the dental chair instruments in my mouth, jaw frozen and feeling like a cadaver in a science lab.Needless to say I dumped this guy and sought medical attention elsewhere.

    I think that your plans to become a nomad are well worth pursuing especially if you are actively seeking the services of competent medical practitioners . Who knows you might even find these folks who have embraced the nomadic lifestyle as opposed to dodging outraged patients who seek justice for their bumbled medical practices.

    Bravo to being a free spirit. Keep up the good work. Avoid dental appointments at all costs. 🙂

    • That is a wonderful, in-depth description of the amazing fun that one can have at the dentist office. I agree, dentists can be nomads also. I remember the Days of Yore before most dental offices were located in strip malls, and it was possible to be with the same one for years. There still may be a few out there. I don’t know why, but I write a great deal about going to the dentists. I do like the sunglasses and the TV overhead now. Thanks for visiting my blog!

      • You are very welcome. I think I too will develop a new attitude towards visiting the dentist’s office…as long as I can find one who will stick around long enough for me to schedule at least a second visit in the same year! 🙂

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