humor / mystery / television

Clap for the Wolfman

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It was Werewolf weather yesterday, misty rain and cloudy. Seriously, if we had moors instead of mesquites, it could happen. Why do I think this? Two words: Monster Quest. Thankfully we have TV shows like Monster Quest to show all of us unsuspecting citizens what is lurking out there in forests, bayous, parking garages and pizza joints. Every now and then, people like to make fun of this, people like Guys With Nothing Better To Do. These guys just happened to have a little time on their hands when they thought about their friend Zed. Zed was a consummate outdoors-man which means something like an outdoors-man on steroids times three. He had cameras, lots of them, everywhere, all set up on his land. Why is this, you ask? Well unlike myself, who is perfectly content running around the house at night in my slightly flattened leopard slippers, re stacking my dirty laundry and searching for the perfect pink nail polish to wear in this dreary spring weather, Zed wants to know what is Out There.

So These Guys were at Zed’s one day when they noted the position of all these cameras. They had an idea…and Posthaste! (which is another valuable word to have in your vocabulary arsenal, along with Thwart…) They decided to go home and set about crafting a costume for a Big Wolf Fellow (Wolf Fellar, if you are a southerner, which I am, but with good grammar).

In a matter of days, they had a perfect outfit ready to go…they had resurrected none other than the dreaded Big Foot. One of the guys donned the garb and went out (well before dark, just in case there really was A Creature in the woods). Knowing the camera angles, the intrepid Big Foot managed several threatening key poses. He walked a few feet and put his big hand-paws in the air and…Sha Click…a few more strategic poses…. Sha Click, Sha Click, Sha Click. The photogenic monster left some amazing footprints and Voila!…. a mystery was born. The next day, Zed checked his cameras and Holy Cow!! “Connie, look at this!” he said to his wife. He had to go check for tracks, and he made his wife go with him. I don’t know why, maybe because she had just joined Fit Zone and was lifting weights…quite a bit of weight. Then the news spread like wildfire. Bigfoot had been spotted in Seyville, Texas! The Guys went out to Zed’s and he was beside himself.

“I gotta call Monster Quest. I gotta call them now!”

“Wait a minute Zed, let’s check the footprints.”

“I’ve done it already, already got a cast of them.”

Zed grabbed his phone again. Lee looked at him.

“Zed, put the phone down, you don’t need to call Monster Quest, I need to tell you something…”

So that’s how this latest brush with Monsters, Including Werewolves, and Such Other Hairy and Potentially Dangerous Creatures has ended…or has it? Who knows what is lurking out behind the mesquite trees on a night illuminated by a full moon, a night full of the sounds of mystery….

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