What happens when your subwoofer cable goes out? I’m not sure but a certain sulky 17-year-old boy will be happy to tell you after his mother “forgot” to order it on Ebay. What? I was distracted by a furry pink Cossack hat. A bum subwoofer cable that no longer woofs is not nearly as bad as the guy who heard a noise in his driveway and went out to find that thieves had tried to break in and steal his entire woofing assembly. Somehow one of the would-be thieves ran around the back of the house and climbed through the window. After calling the police, the Almost Ripped Off and Sound Deprived victim went back inside only to discover that he might not be alone… He found the hapless criminal hiding in a closet and eating individual cereal packets….something like, Dude, is this ALL the cereal you have? The irritated homeowner detained the cereal munching thief (possibly by tying him up with a non-working woofer cable)…or not, they didn’t say. This entire incident might not be as bad as the weirdo in New York State who was night plowing. Apparently, this guy had trouble sleeping. He was arrested for using excavating equipment to dig a 40 foot-long by 12 foot-deep hole in rural countryside during the middle of the night. Somebody call ID TV…or maybe he was just dillusional. Then there are the normal traffic violations. One guy was ticketed when he blamed “owl watching” for causing a car accident while a teenager was arrested for stealing a car when he paused to take a “singing selfie video” instead of driving right out of there. My advice to anyone who absolutely must steal a car is: a) pick not only one that will start, but pick a fast one b) do not loiter c) make sure the subwoofer is woofing and there are no owls in the neighborhood. Lastly on this list of stupid criminals, there was another man who was arrested for using his “big belly” to “bounce” an annoying neighbor from his yard. Oh yes, it’s a crazy world out there.