In world news, there was a huge summit-meeting-conference thingamajig going on involving crucial events affecting everyone on the planet. Mr. Obama and world leaders met together in attempt to stem the economic turmoil and general hell bound direction of every economy in the universe while the media and the rest of the world carefully evaluated what Michelle Obama would be wearing, what accessories, coats, etc. would be required, and if Ms. Obama could possibly out do Carli Bruni, wife of the French president. Economics-Snomics, it is the fashion that is really important here. The rest of you people get off your butts, dress for success, and go out and find that dream job!
Speaking of fashion, I am sure everyone has seen those adorable hats that Queen Elizabeth wears. Aunt Faye aptly remarked that it would do Queen Liz no good to wear hats here in the windiest place on earth because if she did, those hats would blow all the way to Oklahoma. Indeed just how many places on earth can boast of a “highway alert” being posted? What is this you ask? It is good to know…..a “highway alert” is issued when the wind is so strong that it can literally blow the cars off the road. Trucks too. Now we all know this….
HOW I GOT SCAMMED INTO PAYING $200.00 FOR A PAIR OF CHEAP SNEAKERS:
First, go to the mall with your favorite teen boy (or a preteen boy of your choosing). Agree to look into a store called “Finish Line.” Count the number of hipster wannabes running around in saggy, shiny shorts. Or not. Instead watch the consummate discriminating shopper at work, busy sending the sales guy after this shoe, then no wait, that shoe, wait how about those….but do you have any of those Underarmour…no wait, THOSE are ghetto. You don’t expect me to wear that do you? What’s wrong with you? Can I see Nike? Is this all the Nikes you have? No I HATE Addidas. Those are ghetto. I HATE New Balance too. What about Shoxx….wait are those clearance? I can’t have clearance shoes. Clearance shoes are ghetto. I need socks….I want THESE socks…..why can’t I? Everybody knows all socks cost $15! Duh! I HAVE to HAVE black socks. White socks are ghetto. Nobody wears white socks….no wait NOBODY wears white CHEAP socks….Here these are the shoes I want….
Then blindly assume said shoes are about seventy bucks because there is NO PRICE on the box. Take shoes to register where sales girl sweetly asks if you need socks with those shoes. No socks, but I would like some fries….. Sales girl gleefully scans barcode on box then tells you sweetly, “two thirty with tax…blahh blahh blahhh…..” Unh? Then of course one doesn’t want to throw a fit in the line with everybody behind you and sales girl looking at you and preteen boy busy rubbing his bangs down with his hands and lots of teens and wannabe teens roaming around the mall staring into the store….because you will look CHEAP and GHETTO if you refuse to pay for the shoes. So you smile and hand sales girl your debit card and keep your mouth shut while blindly planning out how to come back and burn down the store…..