humor

Gravy….and Other Assorted Weirdness

A California woman was peacefully sleeping in her home when her doorbell rang. Zoey, her 4-pound Yorkie started barking. The bell rang again. Zoey was making such a fuss that the woman went to see who was there. Through the blinds, she saw a woman heading for the backyard while putting on RUBBBER GLOVES.

Then the doggy door in her sliding glass door started rattling. The woman called 911 and went to the closet to hide out. Zoey ran and hid under a bed. (Who said little dogs are worthless?) Police arrived and arrested the woman who had become wedged (stuck) in the doggy door. Hey Lady, next time go to the Labrador’s house….

In another instance in Bethel, MN, a teen was caught using a doggy door to break in and steal from her neighbor so she could support a porn addiction. (Unh???) Hopefully she got some counseling when she was arrested.

Door intruders are not always human, Oh No! Raccoons like to visit too. An urban wildlife director advises: “If a raccoon gets in, make a path of marshmallows, cheese bits, or fig bars toward a door. Honey, do we have any Cheez Its? Fig Newtons… Marsh….? Okay, I’ll just crawl in the neighbor’s doggy door and get some. No seriously, hopefully you will have those items and maybe it will work if the raccoon and assorted wildlife are hungry. They also note that you can get behind the raccoon, make noise, and it SHOULD run away. The key word here is should. Then there are those special instances when you must call Animal Control as when, as frequently happens in Florida, a lady encountered a 7-foot alligator in her bathroom. Huh…marshmallows, Cheez Its, Fig Newtons….nice gator…

In the final instance of criminal insanity: A woman breaks into a house. The owner comes home and the woman tells him that a NEIGHBOR let her in to take a shower??? Has anyone pissed off a neighbor out there lately? Ok, so there…. The next day, the same Showering Bandit breaks into a Dairy Queen storage building. Now Dairy Queen for those of you who don’t know…is a Burger Joint on steroids: fried food, ice cream, cream gravy on everything, sweet tea, giant colas, all the bad food Texas is known for…. Anyway, once inside the storage building, the showering Dairy Queen Bandit spends the night. When the police arrive the next morning, she is busy loading up gravy packets to take with her upon her departure. I don’t know, I like gravy too, but wouldn’t there be something else in that building to take a rap for?

The End….the world is indeed a scary place, and there are people such as these turned loose in it. Smile, do something good for somebody else, make the world better. Peace.

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